When Your Manager Does Not Back You in Public

Updated September 2026: in 2021 I wrote about a large opportunity where the offshore delivery lead said, in front of everyone, that he wanted a senior lead rather than team members like me, and my manager agreed and offered himself instead. I have rewritten it as a guide to responding when your manager does not back you in public.

After a long gap, my whole team was pulled into a large opportunity, and my manager was asked to support it as well. I joined the discussion at the last minute with no background, so I mostly listened. Then the offshore delivery lead said he wanted a senior lead to support him, not team members like me. I expected my manager to defend the team in front of everyone. Instead he went along with it and said he would support the lead himself.

Why does this hurt so much?

Because it happens in public. A dismissive comment is bad enough, but silence or agreement from your own manager suggests they share the view. It also affects how others on the call see you.

Should you respond on the call?

Usually not. Arguing in the moment rarely changes minds and can look defensive. A short, calm line is enough if you want to say something: "Happy to support wherever it helps. I can share what I have done on similar deals." Then move on.

How do you raise it with your manager?

• Ask for a private conversation soon after, not weeks later.
• Describe what happened, without guessing at motives.
• Explain the effect, for example that it undermines you with the delivery team.
• Ask what they need to see to be comfortable putting you forward next time.

Your manager may have had reasons, such as wanting to calm a demanding lead or protect you from a difficult deal. You will only know by asking.

How do you change the delivery lead's view?

Through work, not words. Take a clear piece of the opportunity and deliver it well and on time. Share relevant past examples. Most people revise their opinion once they see results.

When is it a pattern rather than a one-off?

If your manager regularly takes credit, sidelines you or fails to support you in front of others, note specific examples and discuss them in your one-to-ones. If nothing changes, it may be time to look for a team where your work is backed.

Keep reading

• Helping Your Old Team? Tell Your Manager First
• Caught Between Your Manager and the Client Team
• Said Yes Too Fast at Work? How to Weigh a Request